Tuesday, June 06, 2006

When did KISS jump the shark?

I've often stated that horror movies jumped the shark when Freddy put on sunglasses during the opening scene of A Nightmare on Elm Street 4. At that precise moment a little piece of me died. I mean, it’s the iconic Freddy Kruger, the guy who was so terrifying in the original film – what the hell was he doing putting on those sunglasses and cracking stupid jokes??? He was somewhat redeemed with the better-than-it-should’ve-been Freddy vs. Jason. What does this have to do with KISS? - Not very much actually. I was going somewhere with this point. Oh yeah, I remember now. Until Animalize, KISS had been making some nifty musical efforts. Creatures of the Night is one of their best albums and track for track Lick it Up was even better, but what did they follow these chestnuts up with? Animalize! We knew we were in trouble from the cover. I suspect that they gave us this ugly cover when they sadly concluded that they weren’t GQ models without their makeup. Anyway, KISS jumped the shark with this album. Yes, there are a few standout tracks, but Gene’s offerings are abysmal. For me, KISS jumped the shark the moment I heard “Burn Bitch Burn”. There I was, sitting in my parents’ house with nobody home. I eagerly peeled back the cellophane of what I anticipated to be another KISS gem and what I heard instead was the worst song Gene ever wrote, “Burn Bitch, Burn”. Don't believe me, read the lyrics for yourself:

"Well it's out of the fryin' pan and into the fire
You bent over, baby, and let me be the driver
Just a cut of pink, wouldn't believe me if I told you
But this time you bit off more than you can chew
My my, yeah, just listen to this, babe

I got nasty habits, it's a fine line,
so many girls and so little time
When love rears its head, I wanna get on your case
Ooh baby, wanna put my log in your fireplace,
maybe baby, you wanna get played

Burn bitch burn, oooh, burn bitch burn, oooh
Burn bitch burn, oooh, burn bitch burn
Well it's an act of thrust and anyway you slice it
No sticks and stones, no kicks and groans can hide it
So why kid yourself, it's so cut and dry
Your body's condemned, and figures don't lie

Gonna cover my class, won't sit up and beg
Gotta keep my tail between my legs
You're cuttin' off your nose to spite your face
Ooh babe, gonna put you in your place
So burn bitch burn, oooh - well the heels are stacked now
Burn bitch burn, oooh - and there's nothin' you can do
Burn bitch burn, oooh - so don't burn your bridges
Burn bitch burn - we're all through,
we are all through baby, so just burn

Well the heels are stacked against you
Don't burn your bridges, we're all through
Hey babe and there's nothin' you can do
Burn bitch burn, oooh - and there's nothin' you can do babe
Burn bitch burn, oooh - we're all through
Burn bitch burn, oooh - ooh burn, burn my baby
Burn bitch burn, oooh - yeah
(repeats out)"


JohnnySweatpants said...

Hmm. Interesting question.. Some would argue that they jumped with the Elder. Not me, though, I love that album. Others, like myself, would say that they never jumped and are as good now as they ever were. Animalize is indeed a shit album but Heavens on Fire is pure class. Also, they did manage to release other great albums eventually. OK, one great album - Revenge. I haven't heard Revenge in ages. I think I'm gonna buy it today.

JPX said...

The Elder is a masterpiece! Even if fans don't like that album they can't deny how great Lick it Up and Creatures are. I don't think KISS really recovered until the 1997 tour when the makeup went back on. Also, Psycho Circus was a pretty good return to form. Revenge had some good tracks, but I've kind of forgotten about that album. Gene's Unholy is every bit as good as his I Love it Loud.